Torn
by Jenn319
Summary: What if the one person you needed to avoid, was the only person you couldn’t stay away from? Would you risk it? And if so, at what cost? This is a oneshot songfic that takes place between Harry and Ginny at the Burrow after Bill and Fleur’s wedding. It is


Harry stood in the garden just outside the Burrow; only it didn't look like the garden he knew. The weeds were gone and the grass, always in need of a good cut, lay well manicured at his feet. A plethora of fairy lights adorned the trees overhead and shimmered gracefully upon the waterfall that cascaded over the once blemished garden walls – water that, Harry noticed, miraculously never touched the ground. The evening summer air was laden with the heavy scent of white and pink roses. They spilled forth from every flower bed, and the big green pond, usually full of croaking frogs, lay peacefully beneath the twilit sky.

Bill and Fleur's wedding had gone off without a hitch. The guests had all arrived safely, and to everyone's surprise, even the twins had managed to behave themselves. It was the first wedding Harry had ever attended. To say that he was utterly amazed by the amount of planning and preparation that surrounded such a day was misleading. Truthfully, he hadn't really noticed anything, except…

_Ginny _

She had remained civil towards him since their break up, but in a distant sort of way, and although Harry knew this to be a good thing, he found himself stung by it all the same. Try as he might, he couldn't pry his eyes away from her during the ceremony. Ginny had quite literally taken his breath away the moment she walked down the aisle. She wore a golden bridesmaid's robe that revealed her bare shoulders and hugged perfectly to every inch of her curvaceous body. Her long, fiery red hair was pinned in a gentle upsweep. It mingled with a hint of baby's breath and left exposed the sensitive spot on the back of her neck that Harry's lips knew so well.

It was all downhill from there. Caressing her with his eyes, his mind wandered. Before Harry knew it, he was thinking of a stolen moment that the two of them had once shared. They were sitting in the Gryffindor common room late one night, studying – or at least that's what they told themselves anyway. Between the affectionate peeks and sideways glances, neither one of them were getting very far with their assignments. Mid-way through, they simply gave up and resigned themselves instead to an evening of talking and laughing upon the couch. Unwilling to relinquish their time with one another, they drifted off. Harry was the first to awaken, bright and early the next morning.

_The dawn is breaking  
A light shining through  
You're barely waking  
And I'm tangled up in you  
(Yeah) _

With the reception nearly underway, Harry remained in the garden. Mr. Weasley's office mate, a man known to Harry only as Perkins, stood before him. He had seen the man standing all alone, and thinking it only polite, struck up a conversation with him. Harry soon regretted it. Perkins was far more interested in talking about his work at the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office than anything else. Harry tried to listen, but found that his ears could only take so much. He lost sight of the conversation and his eyes drifted. Harry glimpsed Fred and George Weasley. They stood huddled together in a corner and spoke in hushed tones that Harry noticed quickly ceased the minute anyone came within close proximity to either one of them. Harry found that he needn't observe their actions to suspect that they were up to something; the mere twinkle in their eyes gave that away.

He gazed back at Perkins, and nodding politely as though he were following the man's conversation, continued to scan the garden. Beyond the twins stood Bill and Fleur beneath a trellis of carefully woven roses where untamed ivy once lay. They were locked in a tender embrace. A flashbulb went off in front of them and Harry watched as the newlyweds struck another pose. For a moment, he wondered where Ginny was.

"Hors d'oeuvre?" He barely heard Perkins offer.

"What?" Harry replied, looking blankly at the man.

"Hors d'oeuvre…would you like one?" Perkins asked again, and he pointed to a silver platter with stubby legs that seemed to hover somewhere well below Harry's waist.

"Oh…ah, no thank you," responded Harry. He caught sight of the garden gnome standing just beneath the tray. It balanced the platter perilously upon its knobby head and wandered  
away.

Harry had completely forgotten that Mrs. Weasley had enlisted the gnomes' help in serving the guests. "Might as well put 'em to good use," she had said after they refused to leave the garden, and Harry and Ron prayed that Hermione would not see fit to champion a cause into gnome rights, as she did for the elves with S.P.E.W.

Perkins droned on and Harry quickly went back to perusing the garden. He spied his two closest friends. Ron and Hermione stood tucked between two trees, pretending to fold white, linen napkins on the table before them. Innocently, they brushed shoulders with one another and after a number of stolen glances, disappeared behind the larger of the two trees. Harry smirked to himself and moved on. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the sight of something golden. It was Ginny.

She sat alone on a rock overlooking the pond, her back to the guests. Harry's brow furrowed slightly. It wasn't like Ginny to isolate herself, he thought, and wondered why she would. _Just leave it alone, _the little voice in the back of Harry's head suddenly spoke up. He knew he had no right to intrude. _But still… _

"And now, Harry, if you'll excuse me," Perkins interjected. He motioned to a woman near the entrance. "I see Fidelia Boggs from the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. I really must speak with her about a most urgent matter."

Harry's eyes remained fixed upon Ginny; Perkins fragmented words barely resonated in his ears. Terms like Obliviate and Memory Charm jumped out at Harry as Perkins briefly explained an incident involving an electric wok that reportedly, having enough of its Muggle owner, decided to _walk _itself right out of its kitchen.

Perkins excused himself and eagerly shuffled away. Feeling not the least bit slighted, Harry ran a hand across the back of his neck. He hesitantly made his way towards Ginny. Harry reached the pond and lingered at the water's edge. The late summer sky reflected brilliantly upon its mirrored surface. Harry glimpsed upward and saw the reddish-orange sun slip beneath the horizon.

"Ginny?"

He knew, the moment he opened his mouth, that he had startled her. She jumped, and quickly hiding her face from him, swiped a hand across her eyes.

"Yeah?" Ginny answered in a casual tone that Harry could tell was forced. She turned to greet him.

Her face said it all. She stood before him with tear-stained eyes that her normally pale complexion only served to highlight. Behind her gaze sat a pain that Harry never recalled seeing there before.

"Why are you crying?" he asked and the creature in his chest whimpered slightly.

"Oh, it's nothing really," she rambled, wiping away the remnants of another tear. "Weddings…they always make me cry."

She glanced unconvincingly at Harry. Hastily, Ginny dropped her eyes to the ground.

"Please, don't lie to me," he whispered.

"I'm not!" she responded abrasively, and drawing herself up to her full measure, looked him squarely in the eyes. "But, even if I were, I don't see what business it is of yours. We're no longer together, remember?"

Her words showered down on him like a bucket of cold water. He could hardly blame her for being angry, Harry thought, but that didn't make her words hurt him any less. Harry gritted his teeth, and with great restraint, turned his back on Ginny. Rather than say anything that he might regret later, Harry decided that it was best to just simply walk away.

"Harry…" Ginny called out, with a catch in her voice, "please, wait."

He knew better than to listen. The right thing to do…_the compassionate thing to do, _thought Harry, was to just keep going. He knew that, and yet…

Perhaps it was the dull ache he heard in her voice – the same ache that resounded painfully within his own heart. Or, maybe it was just his overwhelming desire to be near her. Either way, Harry's legs refused to carry him onward. He turned and faced Ginny.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, and her eyes glistened. "It's just that…this is so hard."

"I know," Harry replied, kicking modestly at a clump of grass near his feet. He stared at the ground.

"So, then why are we doing this to ourselves?"

"You know why," he answered, timorously gazing up at her.

_I'm open, you're closed  
Where I follow, you'll go  
I worry I won't see your face  
Light up again _

"Oh, that's right," she replied bitingly, "because you decided – in your infinite wisdom – that it was in my best interest for you to break up with me!"

"If it will keep you safe…"

"Safe?" Ginny raged. "I've got news for you, Harry…nothing you do can guarantee that! None of us are _safe. _Nor will we be, so long as Voldemort lives."

He knew she was right. Harry knew that he couldn't protect her any more than anyone else could. But, he also knew that he wasn't like anyone else. He was the _'chosen one.' _The one destined to destroy the Dark Lord…whether he liked it, or not. To willingly place Ginny in the middle of that, reasoned Harry, was not just selfish, it was deadly.

"I know something's going on, Harry," added Ginny. "I'm not blind! I see you, Ron, and Hermione…always with your heads together. The three of you are as thick as a gaggle of witches in Knockturn Alley! You're planning something, aren't you?"

Harry didn't answer, and avoiding eye contact with her, looked away as though he hadn't heard a word she said. In the distance, he heard the clinking of glasses, and somewhere soft music played. Harry felt Ginny's eyes upon him.

"You're getting ready to go after Him…aren't you?"

Harry stared at the ground beneath his feet, and said nothing.

"Aren't you?"

She tried desperately to look him in the eye.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Harry denied, with a fleeting glance.

A moment of silence passed between them. Harry fixed his eyes again on the pond. Its surface was pitch black now, except for the reflection of the stars that lay littered across the darkened sky. His demeanor remained poorly nonchalant; it was all he could muster. Ginny lowered herself onto the rock where she had previously sat, her mouth open slightly. Comprehension dawned upon her face.

"When do you leave?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

It was such a simple question, thought Harry, and yet, it was the only one he had truly hoped she would never ask. _The less Ginny knew the better. _Opting to protect her with his silence, Harry refused to answer.

"Harry, please…" she stared incredulously at him, "you owe me at least that much!"

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
I somehow find  
You and I collide _

"First thing tomorrow morning," he replied meagerly.

"Tomorrow?" she asked in slight disbelief. "Were you even going to tell me?"

Truth be told, Harry wasn't sure he would have. The painful thought of having to say goodbye to Ginny was unbearable to him. So much so, in fact, that Harry had often entertained the notion of slipping out in the middle of the night to simply avoid the unpleasantness of it all - an idea that was quickly erased from his thoughts whenever he reminded himself that he may never see Ginny again.

"Of course I was," Harry answered. He sheepishly looked away.

Another moment of silence passed between them.

"All right then," she replied, with burgeoning confidence, "that still gives me plenty of time to get my things in order."

"What?" Harry's head shot up. He stared at her. "No! You're not coming with me! It's too dangerous!"

"But, Harry, I can help!" Ginny responded, and she sprang to her feet. "If what you say is true, then you are going to need all the help you can get!"

"I have Ron and Hermione," Harry stated, as though his answer settled the matter.

"Oh, c'mon…" she retorted, "they can barely keep their eyes off of one another! How can they possibly be expected to watch you too? Surely, another set of eyes can only help…"

"Absolutely not!" Harry shouted. Suddenly aware of his own loudness, he peered over his shoulder at the garden. His eyes met the suspicious gaze of more than one guest. Harry smiled and gave a polite wave. He was relieved when the guests resumed their interest in the reception.

"Surely, I've proven myself to you by now," Ginny challenged. "Or have you forgotten, that I was with you the night you went to save Sirius at the Ministry of Magic?"

"But I didn't! Did I?" Harry countered with an undeniable fire in his eyes. "Which is all the more reason why you shouldn't be anywhere near me!"

"But, Harry…" pleaded Ginny.

"You're not going, and that's final!"

_I'm quiet you know  
You make a first impression  
I've found I'm scared to know  
I'm always on your mind _

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?" demanded Ginny.

Harry didn't think he was being stubborn, or for that matter, unreasonable. All he was trying to do was protect her. _Why couldn't she see that? _Surely she understood that he couldn't…no, make that wouldn't, lose her the way he had lost all the other people in his life. He was so sick of it all: the constant yearning for his parent's love, the gaping hole inside where Sirius used to be, the self-loathing he felt over Dumbledore's death, and the irrefutable truth behind the lost prophecy. He had lost so much already. Harry couldn't lose her too.

He grabbed Ginny hard around the arms and jerked her body anxiously towards him.

"Because I love you!"

The words burst out of his mouth, before he even knew what he was saying. An awkward silence followed. They stared at one another for a moment, and realizing that his hands were still upon her, Harry loosened his grip on Ginny's arms. He had never intended on telling her how he felt. Somehow it just didn't seem fair. But in those rare moments (just before first light) when he allowed himself to think about it, Harry never imagined shouting the words at her.

"I love you," he said tenderly, this time.

His expression, though, grew grim.

"And if Voldemort ever found out…"

Harry felt the sudden fullness of Ginny's lips upon his. She cupped his face in the palms of her hands and a slight chill ran down his spine. Harry quivered.

"I love you too, Harry," she whispered.

He gazed deeply into her eyes. No one had ever said those words to him before. The word love itself was as elusive to him, growing up, as its meaning; examples of it were even less tangible. On the one hand, he had the Dursleys, who doted relentlessly upon Dudley; fulfilling every whim and buying his affection with expensive toys and gadgets that never quite fit the bill. In Harry's opinion, it was gluttonous at best. On the other hand, were his parents – a love so distant and out of reach, that sometimes they didn't even seem real. Harry's world expanded and with it, his examples of love. But with Ginny it was always different. It was more than friendship. It ran deeper than that. There was a connection with her that he felt with no other. She was like a song, a melody that had haunted Harry his entire life and whose lyrics he never knew, until now.

Harry leaned in and kissed her softly upon the lips.

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the stars refuse to shine  
Out of the back you fall in time  
I somehow find  
You and I collide _

They parted, resting their foreheads against one another. Harry's eyes remained closed and his senses committed to memory every detail that was Ginny. The scent of her hair. The taste of her lips. The feel of her body against his. He wanted to capture it all, for it was to be the only part of her that Harry would take with him when he left. Anything more, was asking too much.

Harry opened his eyes and slowly detached himself from her arms.

"Which is why we can't…"

He felt the softness of Ginny's finger press firmly against his lips, quieting him.

"No more talk of Voldemort…" She coaxed, now fondling his lips seductively.

Harry's pulse raced.

"Or what you're planning," Ginny added and she brushed her lips gently against his cheek.

His heart skipped a beat.

"Or when you're leaving," she whispered the heat of her breath upon his neck.

Harry felt a shiver of electricity run across the back of his shoulders. He moaned with pleasure.

"At least not for the rest of tonight, anyway," she added, gazing affectionately into his eyes. "Give me tonight, Harry," enticed Ginny. "Give _us _tonight."

Harry ran his fingers lovingly through her hair and his resolve crumbled. It lay in a heap on the ground between them. Stirred by undeniable passion, Harry pulled Ginny into him. He kissed her deeply upon the mouth. The tenderness of their earlier movements intensified. Breathless. Frenzied. They clung desperately to one another.

The sky above them exploded and a spectacular display of fireworks ignited the heavens. Harry and Ginny abruptly broke apart. They gazed up and smiled, marveling at the brilliant, willowy bouquet of colors raining down around them. Soothing sounds of wonderment and glee erupted from the garden; the guest's eyes fixed skyward. Harry glimpsed the twins. They peered up at the magnificent rainbow of light, and with self-satisfied smirks, high-fived one another.

Harry grinned. He felt the warmth of Ginny's touch upon his cheek, and drawing his face back towards her own, they kissed. His lips trailed delicately across her cheek and down to the sensitive spot on the back of her neck that had teased him all day long. She trembled – just like he knew she would. Harry wrapped her in a tender embrace.

A timid air of distress crept back into Harry's eyes, its presence eclipsed by the reflection of the fireworks in his black-rimmed spectacles. The fear that plagued him resurfaced and the smile upon Harry's face, unbeknownst to Ginny, faded.

_…you finally find  
You and I collide _

Song Lyrics by Howie Day


End file.
